3 Tips for Being Successful

Written by Nina Grunfeld Saturday, 12 May 2012 10:45

This week we’re thinking about success. What does success mean to you? It won’t be the same for everyone, but there are some things everyone can do that will help get the ball rolling towards feeling a sense of accomplishment. Try these three tips and see how successful you’ll feel!

1. Avoid Making Comparisons

Sometimes we don't feel successful because we compare ourselves with others.

This can be motivational in some situations, for example, reading Richard Branson's autobiography because you want to build a business like his, but often we compare ourselves with people in an unhelpful way: "How come he's famous and I'm not?" There's a lot of blame conveyed in that sentence and, once started, those inner voices are not going to stop quickly. So what is really going on when you compare yourself unfavourably with someone else?

The first thing is envy. They can sing and I can't. They are popular and I'm not. Most of us slide easily into envy, and it's not pretty or productive. Envy is a way of acknowledging the strength of others, but not your own.

Now, flip it round. What can you do that they can't? And if you don't know the answer to that, find out. Success lies in knowing your skills and appreciating them. I meet a lot of people who are in the wrong field—having chosen a career without thinking about either their skills or what they really want to do. They then struggle to succeed in an environment that isn't a natural setting for their talents.

Ask yourself what it is about your job that makes you feel successful. If you feel you're in the wrong place, it can lead to envy: "Why am I a civil servant when my friend's a musician?" Would ignoring your envy make you more successful, or is it time to do what you want?

If Richard Branson inspires you, great. If he makes you feel a failure, ignore him. Instead of thinking of what others can do that you can't, think about what you can do that they can't, and work on those.

2. Stop Wasting Time

How can you possibly have a successful life if you're in front of the computer screen all day? Today, it seems we’re all into instant gratification, and most of us waste a lot of time. We don't have a plan for the day and, when we do, we’re happy to be flexible about it. 

When we think about success and the times we have been successful, we're usually thinking about goals we've achieved, things we've "done". These goals can be large or small - it doesn't matter. The success comes in having set and achieved them. A small goal might result in: "Yes, I got on well with my mother on our last phone call." A slightly larger goal might lead to: "Yes, I arranged a great holiday." And a really big goal could sound like: "Yes, I just sold my business." You did what you said you would do and that feels good.

If you make a plan and follow it through, you are and feel successful. That plan could be to relax more, meditate or just "be", but it is still a plan. Doing what you intend to do feels good; wasting time - for whatever reason - feels bad. The feeling of failure can come in not having a plan or not sticking to the plan you made. And that feeling of failure is not going to make you feel you've got a successful life.

This week, start becoming aware of your time. Take note of how much time you waste and start setting goals. Tell others about them to hold you accountable for seeing them through. Exercising discipline makes you feel successful. Where does your life need to be tightened up and what could you do right now to turn the first screw? 

3. Rethink Your Failures

No matter how successful our lives, some things will inevitably go wrong. Scientists actively learn from their failures. Each experiment that doesn't work leads them closer to success. That attitude is one we can all adopt.

Let's imagine a supper party where your soufflé collapsed. Can you recognise that this was a success in disguise? The fact that you even attempted a soufflé shows how sophisticated and successful a chef you are. The fact that your guests had a lovely evening despite the food faux pas shows how well you put them at their ease.

Every time something goes wrong and you feel as if you've failed, look at that "failure" from as many different perspectives as you can. What would your dog, budgie or goldfish think of the failure? In short, how real is the failure? Maybe your painting didn't sell at that gallery, but how many people get the chance to be in an exhibition? You've got a successful life already – now you need to realise it.

Rather than think about everything that goes wrong, focus on what's gone right. Failure brings you closer to success – at least you know what doesn't work. Look at failures from as many different perspectives as you can. Re-examine past "failures" and ask yourself what success came out of them? Be kind to yourself – appreciate how well you're doing.

How to Be Happier

Written by Nina Grunfeld Friday, 04 May 2012 16:04

Happiness. It’s something that we all strive for, and often feel like we’re falling short of. We want to derive happiness from so many aspects of our lives—work, relationships, money, health—but often it’s these same areas that frustrate us the most. Here are 4 proven tips to help you increase your happiness that you can easily incorporate into your weekly routine. As always, you can comment below or tweet us @LifeClubs to let us know how they work for you, or to share your own suggestions!

1. Focus on Others

It may seem counter-intuitive, but making time to focus on others can make you happy. Think about the last time you gave change to a needy person—didn’t you get a small boost, a sense of having done good? If you extend this principle and make being generous a daily habit, you’ll be surprised how uplifted you’ll feel. Being generous doesn’t just mean giving money—if you have a friend who’s stressed out with work, offer to help her with her laundry or cook her dinner. If you see someone on the tube with a heavy bag, give a few seconds of your time and help them carry it up the stairs. You can be generous with your time, money, companionship and actions. Volunteer once a week and watch your spirits soar!

2. Find One Good Thing in Every Day

One of the things we do at Life Clubs is make sure to write down the best thing that’s happened to us today. We’ve even turned this idea into a beautiful submission-based blog—check it out here! It’s been shown that optimists (people who look on the bright side of things) have a whole host of positive benefits just from focussing on the positive, including better health, longer lives and greater happiness levels. So why not start focussing on what went right in a day instead of just what went wrong. Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day. 

3. Be Mindful – Live in the Present

Mindfulness is a big buzzword these days, and there’s good reason for it—it works! People who ‘live in the moment’ and are able to focus on the present are happier than those who regret the past, worry about the future and are constantly distracted. Mindfulness training helps people learn to acknowledge what’s going on in the present and to appreciate all the ups and downs as they happen. This appreciation translates into feeling more at peace, less angry and less unhappy. You can practice paying more attention on the present by frequently asking yourself where your attention is. Is it on the thing you’re doing now, or are you mindlessly completing a task with your mind elsewhere? Bring your mind back into focus on what you’re doing and give it your full attention. Practicing this often will make it second nature, and you’ll become more focused and engaged with your life as it happens.

4. Get Control

People who feel they have no control over their lives are less happy than people who feel their destiny is in their own hands. Control in this sense means having something that is yours that doesn’t require input or dependence on anyone else. Of course you’ll never be in control of every aspect of your life, but doing one small thing each day totally on your own will help you feel self-sufficient and content. One way to get control is to start doing something for yourself that doesn’t require any one else’s input. Get up an hour earlier and start a quick morning exercise routine (an added bonus—regular exercise has been shown to improve health and happiness!) or take up a new hobby like knitting and purposefully make a blanket or a scarf. Even something as simple as walking somewhere instead of taking public transit can make you feel in control of your pace and the route you take, and can be a great de-stresser.

If those tips aren’t enough for you, check out the following websites for more happiness inspiration!

Things To Be Happy About – 141,050 items (and counting!) to be happy about. What started as a personal project in a spiral notebook decades ago has grown into a bestselling book and huge online database. Take a look at these, and I’m sure you’ll be smiling in no time.

Action for Happiness is a movement of people campaigning for a happier society. Their website is a rich resource for ideas, events, information and awareness of issues relating to happiness and mental health, and have been partnered with Life Clubs for a long time.

A Good Week– a global celebration of good, taking place June 18-24. They have a ton of events coming up all over the UK and a very active presence on Twitter. Tweet them at @agoodweek with the hashtag #agoodweek.

My Happy Hap – stories of happiness from around the world.

Purpose Fairy – ideas and suggestions about life.

Open Your Mind – how to be happy, more understanding and less judgemental

Written by Nina Grunfeld Friday, 27 April 2012 14:47

Have you ever been told you need to be more open-minded? Ever been annoyed with someone else for rejecting your opinion on something without even making an effort to understand your point of view? Have you been pleasantly surprised at the behaviour of someone you’d written off simply because they dressed a certain way or hung out with a certain crowd.

Chances are, you’ve experienced a few situations where assumptions and judgements came into play. Making judgements and having assumptions is something all humans do—it’s inherent in our nature—but making assumptions isn’t the same thing as being judgemental. In this post I’ll outline some of the advantages of having an open mind, and give you a few tips on challenging your assumptions.

We all make assumptions

Assumptions are useful. We need to make assumptions to make sense of the world—if we spent all the time needed to accurately assess every situation as it came up, our brains would overload. Instead, we learn trends about the world from our experiences, culture, education, family and advertising, and use this information to form judgements about what particular situations are likely to be like.

When we have limited information or knowledge on a topic, our assumptions come into play—we take what we do know and assume the rest based on things we’ve encountered before. For example, if you are going to see a cardiology specialist at the hospital, you might assume that your appointment will be with a man. You have limited knowledge about the specialist, but your experience and popular culture dictate that doctors tend to be men, and so you form an assumption.

Assumptions also help us to stay safe. You know that knives tend to be sharp, so you use caution when encountering all knives because you assume that they will all be sharp. This is useful, because it protects you from the majority of knives which are in line this assumption. The same is true for people. We might assume that people who wear alternative clothing and have a lot of tattoos and piercings are dangerous, because we have learned through our culture to associate that ‘look’ with a particular, seedy lifestyle—and we make the judgement to avoid them in order to protect ourselves.

If assumptions are so useful, why would we want to be open-minded?

While assumptions and judgements are useful for navigating the world, they can also be just plain wrong. That woman with the lip piercing and hoodie you avoided because you assumed she was dangerous might actually be a youth worker and volunteer her time every week to help disadvantaged kids. Have you ever seen someone in a wheelchair making strange faces and unable to speak properly? You might have assumed that they had an intellectual disability and didn’t consider talking to them—you might have thought they wouldn’t have anything useful to say. But take a look at Stephen Hawking. Despite having ALS, he has succeeded as a renowned physicist and author, and is one of the most intelligent people in the whole world!

When we rely too much on our assumptions and stop asking questions about the world around us, we set ourselves up for closed-mindedness. This is hurtful to those being wrongly judged and also hurtful to those making the assumptions—think of all the important relationships with lovely people you could be missing out on because you judged someone incorrectly based on an assumption. Like the old adage says, don’t judge a book by its cover.

Tips for opening your mind

challenge them once we start recognising them as they come up. Taking note of your assumptions is the first step towards being less judgemental. Here are some tips for exercising open-mindedness. If you have any more to add, you can comment below or tweet us at @LifeClubs and we’ll add it in.

Play Devil’s Advocate

One trick that really gets the brain noticing assumptions and judgements is playing Devil’s Advocate. If you find yourself complaining about something you don’t like, try taking the exact opposite stance on the topic, and argue that. At first it might be difficult trying to argue something you may not believe in, but if you search you will discover valid points for the other side. Who knows, you may even change your own standpoint on the topic once you make the effort to understand other perspectives. 

Try new foods/listen to new music

One exercise that is really useful for dispelling assumptions is breaking out of your comfort zone. If you ate some bad prawns ten years ago, you may have been telling yourself “I hate seafood” ever since, and have avoided the stuff altogether. This is an assumption based on a powerful experience you had, but it might be causing you to miss out on some of the most delicious meals you’ll ever eat.

Challenge your own assumptions (even the ones about yourself!) by trying things you think you don’t like. Eat some well-prepared fish, or spend an hour listening to different types of rap music—it won’t kill you, and you’ll be surprised at what you actually do like! This exercise is great because you can really learn a lot about yourself by trying new things.

Focus on understanding

This tip is useful for interactions with other people. Instead of focusing on your assumptions of people (“she has dyed her hair pink—she obviously isn’t serious about progressing in life! I won’t hire her.” or “he’s clearly just one of those posh snobs—look at that fancy suit he’s wearing! We’d have nothing in common.”) decide to approach each new interaction from the standpoint of really trying to understand them.

Ask lots of questions; really try to find similarities between you and this other person that you weren’t expecting. Realise that people behave the way that they do for good reasons, and try to find out what those reasons are. If you understand people’s motivations, you’ll connect with them and be able to really appreciate their experiences. Even if you think you would have acted differently in a similar situation, try to see how their behaviour makes sense in the context of them. You’ll be surprised at how much fuller your understanding of other people will get if you do this exercise often.

Fact check

Approach your world like a good journalist—check and recheck facts all the time! Ask “is that really true?” about everything. If you’re thinking to yourself “that lady yelling at her children in public must be a terrible mother,” see if you can validate that assumption with any evidence. If she’s got a nappies bag, a sturdy pram, the children are appropriately dressed and they have all clearly just come back from the zoo, maybe she’s not such a bad mother after all. It could just be that the children were misbehaving or she’s very tired after planning an exciting day for the kids. When you find contrasting evidence to your judgement, take note of it and say to yourself “aha! I’ve dispelled another assumption!” Doing so can make you feel surprisingly good, and opens your mind and your life to all sorts of new possibilities. Good luck opening your minds!

5 Ways To Be Creative

Written by Nina Grunfeld Saturday, 21 April 2012 08:18

I’ve been thinking about creativity lately. I’m in the process of writing a new book, which requires me to think creatively and come up with solutions to problems as they arise. Sometimes it can be difficult to be creative or innovative—we can feel as if we are doing the same old thing or are just unoriginal. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and experience things like writer’s block, so I’ve compiled a list of helpful tips for unleashing your inner creativity.

Creativity is doing things differently – using your brain in ways it hasn’t been used before. Get rid of the notion that you ‘just aren’t a creative person’. Everyone who has a brain is a creative person, because creativity comes from ideas, and ideas come from your brain. Follow these 5 tips and you’ll be on your way to thinking differently—and therefore, being creative. 

1. Be Curious

Once we stop being curious, we stop being creative.  Assuming we know exactly how things are and how they should be just breeds the same thoughts and patterns of behaviour.  Think of children and how curious they are—they ask questions about practically everything, so find your inner child and start asking questions about things you think you already know everything about. You’ll be surprised what new information you learn, and what new ideas you come up with, when you approach a situation this way.

Ask yourself (or others) how things work. Ask how they could be improved. Ask what problems something solves. Ask if there are other problems it could solve. Ask why something doesn’t work. Ask what would happen if things were a different way.

2. Brainstorm

You can brainstorm on your own but sometimes two heads are better than one. When you get that ‘stuck’ feeling trying to come up with new ideas, it’s because your mind is looping those same thoughts and ideas over and over again. Bouncing ideas around with another person or a group can be a great way to overcome this. Through their thoughts, other people can get us to see things from a different perspective.

A great brainstorming exercise to do with another person is using a random seed. Just take any noun (lamp, car, shoe, etc.) and let it inspire you to come up with ideas. For example, if you and your friends were brainstorming where to go on holiday, you could throw in the random seed ‘frying pan’. Frying pans are hot (you could go somewhere hot); frying pans are used for cooking (you could go on a cooking holiday); frying pans are used to cook eggs (you could stay on a farm); frying pans are made of metal (you could visit a tin mine). On and on it goes...

3. Get Silly and Make Mistakes

Often the best and most creative ideas we come up with arise out of mistakes or just having fun. It’s important to remember that there are no wrong answers when it comes to creating. If your intuition tells you to do something that your mind says is ludicrous, do it anyway. Silliness and absurdity are great sources of inspiration.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes, and don’t be afraid to keep working on something you feel isn’t up to par. Even ‘bad’ ideas are useful when they help you develop your skills. For example, if you started writing a poem and it didn’t turn out as well as you’d have liked, that doesn’t mean your work was a failure. The act of writing the poem at all was an act of creativity, and you can always go back and re-work your writing later. Mistakes are just part of the path to learning new skills. Not everything you create will be perfect, but even when it’s not, you still learn a lot. Sometimes mistakes can be better than what you wanted in the first place—Post-its, microwave ovens and even the pacemaker were all created by mistake.

4. Limit Yourself

Limits, whether natural or self-imposed, are a great way to learn to think outside the box. When you have fewer resources, you are forced to be creative - you've probably heard that the Bronte children only had a key to play with as children - and it didn't stifle their creativity.

Place different types of limits on yourself to see how they affect your creativity.

Setting a time limit will force you to have a burst of creativity—this is how deadlines work. Only give yourself a couple of hours and see what you come up with.

Limiting your toolset will get you mastering a small set of instruments and teach you to produce the results you want with less. If you’re learning to paint, try making paintings with only a small range of colours and brushes. If you’re writing a song, limit yourself to a few chords or notes. If you’re cooking a meal, try to get the most flavour with the fewest spices.

You can also limit your final outcome. Haikus are a great example of this—they are limited to 17 syllables, yet countless beautiful poems have been created within these constraints. The limits are limitless...

5. Do Something Different

This can be as simple as rearranging the furniture in a room or looking up instead of down when walking to the shops—when you’re doing things differently, you’re creating new brain pathways that open up what’s possible. You’ll notice things you didn’t before and come up with new ideas and solutions that had been hidden in your old routine.

If you really want to get those brain pathways working, you can take out a how-to book from the library or sign up for a course to learn something new, like woodworking or piano or cooking. This will not only expand on brain pathways you have already, but will begin to build totally new ones. Dedicating time to improving new skills (even if you’re not very good at them at first) is being creative.

What do you do to get yourself feeling creative?